I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
