I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
