I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
