I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
