can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
