how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
