It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
