Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
