I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
