I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
