Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
