Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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