Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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