Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
