did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
