Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
