I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
