Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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