So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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