i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish you could order shots online.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
