I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
