So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
