Where did you get a picture of my penis
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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