Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
