Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
