so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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