Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
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apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
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I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Couch. On fire.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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