she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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