is your mom at the bar?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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