If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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