They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
