FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
