ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
