I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
did i just pee glitter
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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