so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
