I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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