i love accidental penises.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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