Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
