That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
