so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
