hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
