I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
