Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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