i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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