please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
