4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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