i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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