i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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