So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
