Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
