farters have to be the big spoon...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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