defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
