yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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