do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
