you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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