Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
