Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
