Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
