Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
