three words: i give head
three words: not that well
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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