Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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