I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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