Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
