Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
