I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
