people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
