So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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