I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My ATM looks so different sober.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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