It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
