I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
