there's paper in my vomit.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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