i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
